Too early to be at crossroads?

So I’ve been here in Japan for close to a month already, and of course not everything is smooth-sailing. That’s not to say I’m unhappy here, or I don’t want to be here. There are times when I feel really happy to be here. For example,

Image

You can never see this anywhere else in the world. (ok, Taiwan and Korea has sakura too, but the atmosphere is just not the same. Everything is so orderly here! You can enjoy the view even though there were tons of people there. Crowd management was fantastic)

And of course the delicious food here. Need I say more?

But even so, I have yet come across any event in my life here that really makes me feel what I’ve given up to come here was worth it.

How many times have I asked myself, what did I come here for?

My brain would tell me, university, of course. When I study, I do feel a little spark of motivation to do well and get into the school of my dreams.

Like I’d said, things had not been as smooth-sailing as I’d hoped it would be.

First, there was the housing problem. I had to move out of my first apartment cos the rent was going to increase by the following month. After searching for a few apartments, I finally found one that perfectly suits my criteria. But it didn’t come without a price (literally). I died for a moment when I saw the final bill, inclusive of agent fee, key money and all that nonsense.

Naturally, next comes money. I cant go anywhere (literally, again, since transport here is pretty hefty) without it. I cant even enjoy a good meal because I’m just that broke. Then why the heck am I here if I cant enjoy Japan? I don’t even want to think about my bill when it comes at the end of the month.

Lastly, friends. Not that I don’t have any here, but everyone seems to be too busy for me (most of them are foreigners here too, what the heck could they be busy with?). And the usual problem. Guys. Whenever I go out with them, somehow they always assume that they can get into my pants. I swear I didnt give off any signal that would give them that sort of idea! (anyway now they are not contactable too. I think I moved to a mountain, not an apartment)

True enough, my purpose here is to study and I should not be worried or distracted by other things like friendship or recreation. But then, I might as well have stayed in Singapore if I shouldn’t meet new people or go to new places. I’m sure I have a greater purpose here than just rotting away at my new apartment and worrying about the bill that is bound to come.

I’m gonna be big in Japan. But right now I’m just… lost.

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About Kimono Party Girl

I was born and bred in Singapore for the first 20 years of my life, and then I decided that even after flying all over the world as a flight attendant, life is still too boring. So, in search of more adventure and add spice to my life, I quit my job, packed up, and left for Japan - which is, to me, the promised land. I've always been fascinated with Japan ever since I was 8, thanks to Ayumi Hamasaki, aka the Britney Spears of Japan. She's the first J-pop singer that I have been obsessed with, and my first contact with the Japanese language was through her lyrics. Yup, I first learned my Hiragana from her song 'I am'. But what really sealed the deal was my first trip to Japan in 2010. The fresh air, the beautiful cherry blossoms, the endless fast fashion trends and the awesome food was what made Japan the land of my dreams, and it had since become my goal to one day live, work and party in Japan. So after working like a horse as a flight attendant for 2 years and saving up a decent amount, I made a big leap of faith and moved to the land of the rising sun. I have studied one year of Japanese and two years of graphic design. Currently, I'm in the midst of shukatsu (就活 - job hunting). Wish me luck!
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